Open a Window: My take on Self Confidence

Part of the Isa’s Corner series: reflections on belonging, identity, and community in Battle Creek.

I woke up to a notification on February 24th stating that my financial aid award letter was finally ready to be viewed. Since the beginning of January, after I had committed to the 4-year-institution that would finally allow me to move to Spain, I’ve been waiting for this notification. I’ve emailed, met with, and spoken to family, friends and strangers about this dream of mine. The dream is that one day I would go to school in a new country, speak a new language, and meet people from all over the world. This has been my goal since I left Spain in 2020. That’s why it is hard for me to now think about declining my award, rather than celebrating my commitment to this institution. 

The reality of the situation was that in order to attend I would have to take out large student loans. Loans that would only increase in the following years, leaving me acquiring debt that would keep me drowning in interest, like many other college students my age. Immediately, I began thinking of all the ways I could make money to sustain myself overseas; photography, baby sitting, teaching English, and finding a work study position. All of which I would have to do simultaneously. As I tried to figure out ways to stay afloat, I sank lower into my chair and shut my laptop screen. I realized that this dream of mine was sinking lower and lower as seemingly endless fees raised, as I started to break down expenses. This institution, which in comparison totals to lower than costs at various state schools, is still not attainable for me.

 I sat and I felt an anger begin to boil inside of me. I was angry at the situation, the price, and the fact that once again I have to change my plan of moving to Europe. I’ve applied to this institution twice, written the essays twice, and I got my hopes up twice. As quickly as I had brainstormed ways to sustain myself in Europe, I found my mind shifting to what I would do now—a thought I had been avoiding.

As reality set in, I realized that focusing on what is in front of me is the only option that I have. Staying angry won’t allow me to reach my goal. I understand that the belief I have within myself will carry me farther than anything I could ever imagine for myself. Accepting this truth, as difficult as it is, will ultimately benefit me.

That acceptance matters even more because right now, people my age need confidence more than anything. Confidence that allows us to move through all the unforeseen directions of life. Especially after a door has seemingly been shut in your face. As a college student, applying to scholarships, programs, and jobs, rejection has really become my best friend. Rejection serves as a reminder that everything I’m not, will eventually make me everything that I am. 

Students are no strangers to rejection, but the confidence to know you’ll persevere is what will take you further than any single opportunity. And if a door has been shut, then it’s time to open a window.

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Isa’s Corner is a storytelling series exploring belonging, identity, and community through the reflections of a young leader growing and learning in Battle Creek.